Jokes about the Olympics

A couple of Olympics jokes are making the rounds in Beijing.

First one is a riff on the fact that while many Chinese are extraordinarily proud of the Olympics, they are also put out. Hundreds of thousands of migrant workers were sent home from Beijing before the games began as constructions sites shut down. Many factories are temporarily closed. Lots of people are forced to work overtime. The nation is jittery that something may go wrong.

In short, people are exhausted and uneasy.

Here’s the first joke:

“At the closing ceremonies, International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge announces that the IOC has decided that the next Olympics will be held again in Beijing instead of London since the games were so successful. The news sends millions of Chinese into a faint. Even the doctors swoon. Only the police are strong enough to withstand the news, and they immediately shout in unison: “Go to hell, Rogge!”

Another joke is about the song sung at the opening ceremony, “You and Me.” The English “you” sounds like the Chinese word for “oil” and English “me” happens to sound like the Chinese word for “rice.” So many people say the song reflects the "One World, One Dream" so precisely because the world is expecting more oil and rice.

Anybody heard any others?

Comments

[jeff]

HAHAHA!!!

Remind me a joke in Japan,

If you'v never been to Fuji mountain, BAKA.

If you went there twice, BAKA.

[宝茹]

The You and Me joke is so funny! :P

[A B]

Now that you mentioned "put out".....

Didn't they make it rather hard for the people to "put out" for the guests?

[danny bloom]

Tim
good jokes, humor helps. did you cover the story of the Taiwanese woman who was not allowed into China at the airport because she is a cheerleader for the Taiwan team? Not reported outside Taiwan for some reason. her name is Yang Hui-ju, google it or see Taipei Times search for info, major story. why not reported?

[danny bloom]

Two Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) legislators said they were
unsympathetic with Yang when asked for comment.

KMT Legislator Wu Yu-sheng (吳育昇) said Yang's announcing her plan to
cheer for the Taiwanese team at a media conference before leaving for
Beijing was "provocative."

Yang said during the conference that she would keep a low profile
during the Games, but added that she was afraid that she "might not be
able to make it back to Taiwan this time."

KMT Legislator Justin Chou (周守訓) also criticized Yang, saying that
Yang was trying to act like a heroine for Taiwanese sports fans during
the Games.

Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) Legislator Gao Jyh-peng (高志鵬),
mocking KMT Chairman Wu Poh-hsiung's (吳伯雄) reported comments from a
day earlier, said China's actions clearly demonstrated that "Taiwanese
did not enjoy 'home field advantage' in Beijing, instead they were
being discriminated against."

He said it was scandalous that "while the Beijing authorities blocked
a normal Taiwanese citizen at its airport, Chinese Nationalist Party
(KMT) officials were

[danny bloom]

i heard this one in Taiwan;

"one world, one nightmare"

[mister x]

How do they fill up the olympic swimming pools?

Mark Spitz!

[mister x]

I tried water polo, but my horse drowned!

[mister x]

One event where they have had some trouble finding competitors is the men's coxless pairs!

[mister x]

it's nice to see the chinese setting records in something other than the number of people executed!

[on the other hand]

You should all listen to this ode to Chinese soccer team.

http://club.2008.sohu.com/main.php?c=158&b=bjaoyun&a=3943236

[Junhui]

@Danny Bloom
Regarding your question about Yang Hui-ju. I was listening to Taiwanese news today and it was perhaps the first time I heard about it. But it seems like she was blocked from entering because (like the article said above); she was planning to cause some trouble.

The host, and a few of the guest were playing the political game again and did ask a very valid question "So does Beijing only allow 'blues' in and not 'greens'"?
(Blue and Green represent the political position of concerning the status of Taiwan). She was also reprimanded on by a few guest.

On the show she said she did receive an invitation but it was later revoked after she made comments (a few days prior).

Danny, this issue is hardly a big deal. When the "green" government was in power in Taiwan, Beijing cut off all ties to Taiwan let alone one individual. When the "blue" regained power; Beijing embraced Taiwan with open arms.

In case some did not know, "Blue" (aka. KMT), advocates maintaining the current 2 systems cross-strait policy but are for eventual reunification under certain conditions. The "Green" (aka DPP), calls for immediate Taiwan independence. It's important to note that most Taiwanese are blue.

[Mr. Yellow]

All,
If China take all of the collored to the Olympic, they will taking all of medals out of Olympic, but because they are chosen "only red" that why they have very few medals compare to their population (more than 1.3 Bill).
Agree?

[the tank man]

@on the other hand

Sorry,It's somehow a fake again.
check this out
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/08/12/oly.kids/index.html

[on the othe hand]

Tank,

The ode to soccer song is a parody. of course it is fake. What did you expect.

The synchonizing of the singing in the opening ceremony is stupid. But the ceremony is still a gorgeous show. Plus: 1) China admitted the faking voluntarily; 2)there are synchonizing everywhere, including many shows in the US.

[Soccer]

Chinese men's soccer team played so bad in the Olympics. It was said that the Chinese women's soccer team is joking about lending some team members to the men's team.

Also, one 80 years old Chinese woman had a stroke when she watched a Chinese men's soccer team's game.

All of the above have been reported in news.

[Spelunker]

This song is dedicated to Yang Peiyi and the Beijing 2008 opening ceremony. It also mentions China's footall team and where the kung fu kick landed agaisnt Belgium.

"Ode to the Stepmotherland"

五星红旗迎风扇扬,
杨沛宜歌声多响亮;
歌唱咱们可爱的祖国
还踢比利时的腹腔!

越过天坛,越过鸟巢,
跨过游泳中心水立方!
宽畅美丽林妙可,
是我们亲爱的假象!
我们爱娉婷,我们爱假象!
我们上电视就不要失望!

五星红旗迎风扇扬,
杨沛宜歌声多响亮!
歌唱咱们可爱的祖国,
让林妙可提高质量!
世界看我们可爱祖国,
瞧着丫头牙口漂亮!

[Daniel]

Exactly, Spelunker. Good song.
Yang Peiyi. You are a beautiful little girl, don't let those stupid politburo bureaucrats stole your smile and keep singing.

[V, Lao]

The fireworks during the opening ceremony was a fake. The singing by that little girls was a fake. By induction, Chinese government is a real master of deception. The Red Army never fought the Japanese during the Japanese Invasion as they claimed it. They just faked it.

[James Blix]

There is a lot of China bashing here.

I have lived here for two years as an ex pat from the USA and this is what I have found is almost universally correct.

What people know of China in the west would fit in a thimble, what they think they know would fit in a barrel.

What we fail to do on a continual bases is we NEVER give China credit for moving in a very positive direction for the last 30 years. All we do is bash her and never give any credit whatsoever.

We need to take a serious look at our own back yard, then take a serious look at China. If we were really honest, we'd see just how screwed up we both are.

Peace
James Blix

[Spelunker]

The He Kexin scandal is now underway, and to celebrate I've composed the following remix with apologies to Ringo Starr:

"You're Sixteen?"

You do flips and you twirl, ooh, what a girl!
Eyes that sparkle and shine.
You're fourteen, you're beautiful and you're mine.
(mine, all mine, mine, mine!)

You're my baby, my Chinese doll,
You beat USA without a single fall
You won the gold, my heart went cold,
Ooh, when we lost, I gave Jacques Rogge a call.

Your Olympic dreams, are now on hold
Soon the IOC will divine...
You're fourteen, you're beautiful, pay the fine.
(fine, big fine, fine fine!)

You're my baby, my Chinese doll
your paper trail's as long as China's Great Wall
For goodness sake,
your passport's fake,
Ooh, what a mess you're about to make!

The truth has come clean... Miss He Kexin;
Your name can no longer be used online.
You're fourteen, you're beautiful, and you're mine!