'Go'

"Is the car registered in your name?"

"Yes."

"Papers." I give him my papers. He isn't looking at them. Why, then, did he ask for them??

Another walks up. "You're a doctor, aren't you? I remember you. You work at the Nursing Home. I know you because I used to work there." His eyes dark were looking straight into mine, but they were mocking, not serious.

Until he brought up the "doctor" matter, I was OK. Just another checkpoint. I took out my papers sixteen times on my way home the other day. But doctors were different. Targeted by kidnappers for ransom money, and sometimes killed. But more dangerous, they were targeted by people with an agenda that says "Harass Iraqi doctors until they flee; if they don't run, kill them."

"No, you must be mistaking me for someone else." Sweet smile. Heart pounding. "I'm a teacher, not a doctor." Keeping my hands steady and relaxed on the steering wheel was a feat.

"Why are you lying? I know you. Don't lie to us!!" His piercing eyes still mocking me, daring me to say what I wanted to say, that they were toying with their prey, that there was something very wrong here. The "us" worried me. Who were they?? Uniforms don't mean anything nowadays.

"Pull up to the side of the road" Trying to move my foot to comply with the "order," I realized the extent of my fear, my foot wouldn't budge. It was numb, dead.

Somehow I manage to move the car to one side of the road.

He took my papers and walked to the parked pickup vehicles a few meters away. It looked as if he were discussing the matter with his colleagues.

I looked up at the sky, the abode of the mighty Creator and prayed and prayed, and prayed.

If any digging was to take place into my identity and my profession, then I was dead anyway. NOT a doctor, no, a correspondent for an AMERICAN news agency!!

I was left there waiting to hear my sentence for more than twenty of the longest minutes of my life, when another vehicle arrived and stopped. Do not doubt it, these people held many a life in their slippery fingertips.

Someone dismounted. My tormentor went straight to him with my papers and they seemed to be debating the small matter of my fate. Their voices raised a little, but still I could understand nothing. They seemed not to agree, the younger man, who thought me a doctor was getting very angry and red in the face.

The newcomer, holding my papers in his hand, turned and walked towards me, reached me, handed me my papers and said one word, "Go."

Without a word, without a backward glance, I put the car into gear and slowly moved away then sped off, fearing the newcomer would revise his decision. He might change his mind, suddenly realize the value of the "prize" he had let go, but alhamdu lillah nothing happened, no one came after me, but I could feel two spots on my back, smoldering with the hatred and indignation of the young man with the gaze of a predator. A shiver ran down my back.

At long last I arrived to the sanctuary that was our office, barged in on the morning meeting that had started a few minutes before and sat down heavily on my chair.

One long breath; then another, trying to steady my erratic heartbeat, I try to focus on the present.

But those dark, piercing eyes would not let me go.

He was frustrated to lose his prize.

He feels cheated - and humiliated.

He will not forget me easily ... I will never use that route again.

Comments

[Cathy_L_S]

Thank You for sharing your experience with all the bloggers. I didn't see it as a cry for help. That you were asking to be rescued, but that you were sharing your first hand experience. I am sure that there are some people over there that are more fortunate and have not and may not ever have to go through the terrible ordeal that you did. I feel deeply for what you experienced and wish I could guarantee that this will never happen again, but I can not. Not there, not any where else in the world. It almost sounds like a car jacking in the United States only you were freed unharmed, not all victims of a car jacking are that lucky. I would think that being a journalist would bring danger depending on the assignment, so really it comes with the job. Journalist are risking their lives all around the world, even on the streets of the United States. I truly thank them for the wonderful job they are doing! Now I am going to direct these comments to the bloggers whose comments I have read. Are You Aware that we have US Civilians that have "Volunteered" to transport goods and supplies not just to the military but to the citizens of Iraq and they are also being targeted and killed! Everyone Is A Target of a Terrorist, Everyone! They need to be stopped in all the places they are hiding, plotting, terrorizing, killing any innocent human being!
Wake Up and Smell The Coffee People! Get Informed, Check Out All Sides Before You Start Running Your Mouths, Your Mouth Could Cause More Problems For The Iraqi People Then The Military Presences In The Middle East!
"Freedom Does Not Come Easy and All Involved Pay The Price!" The question is not should the US and Allies pull out and when, but will the situation improve once they are gone? "NO, I Say Probably Not!" It may even get worse knowing that they are no longer there to help train and prepare the Iraqi people.
"Saddam Is Gone along with his Henchmen...A Good Thing, thanks to the US and Allies". They have now Paid the Ultimate Price for Their Horrific Crimes On Humanity! How quickly we forget the good that has come out of this war and I beg to differ with all those that are apologizing for killing Iraqi people. Have you heard of Al-Qaeda??? 911 etc... That Is Who We Are Killing! WE ARE NOT KILLING THE IRAQI PEOPLE!!!! Perhaps your forefathers did NOT Fight for the Freedom that You are Enjoying Here in the United States Today, but Mine Did, My Great Grandfather and he DIED For For the Freedom that You Take For Granted! God help all of you that want to drop and run. Leave the Iraqi people with the terrorists and the mess, to rebuild alone if there is anything left after Al-Qaeda is done with them. May God forgive you as Jesus did Judas.

[Llyonnoc]

Scary story, well told. I could feel your fear and desperation. I don't know how you stand it going through so many check points and at each one armed men holding onto triggers that with a minute amount of pressure will end your existence.

Ah, yes, we Americans came to save you. We seem not to care how many of you we must kill to bring to you whatever it is we are bringing. But don't despair, we will bring it to you if we have to kill all of you.

You should hate us. We have no right to decide how you should live. Pascal said "nothing is more ridiculous than a man should have the right to kill me simply because I live across the water and his ruler has a quarrel with my ruler, though I have none with him."

Has anyone in the Bush Administration figured out what right we Americans have to kill Iraqis who don't want to have what we want them to have? Now that we are sending a third aircraft carrier to the region, I expect to soon wonder about our right to kill Iranians.

[Susan]

I think it is too dangerous to stay there - and I am very very sorry for what my government has done to Iraq. I tried to stop it and I failed.

[Harry Barnes]

The links on this item might be of interest -

http://threescoreyearsandten.blogspot.com/2007/07/key-facts-about-iraq.html

[Larry]

Friend,
I am so sorry for what we have created in your country. Please stay safe.

[Laura]

Dear dear friend, please do all you can to stay safe. I pray for you and yours as I draw breath.

[Hannah Allam]

Sahar, Sahar, Sahar. Al humdulillah ala salama. This beautiful piece of writing speaks volumes about the daily perils of Iraq. You took us right there, right to the checkpoint, and it's a place I hope you never visit again. Deer balich ala nafsich, habibti.

[ljm]

The time has come when you all have to make plans to leave Iraq. Take your families. Post a blog from wherever you go. Send me an e-mail. There are people out here who care about all of you.