Strippin' for Cheney

VP Dick Cheney in Jerusalem before warning of "darkening shadows" on the horizon

(AP/Tara Todras-Whitehill)

After a five-year absence, US VP Dick Cheney returned to Israel this weekend as part of a broader Middle East trip that took him to Iraq (where he cited "phenomenal" security progress on a day when a female suicide bomber killed 40 people) and Saudi Arabia (where he might, or might not, have asked the king to boost oil production so that Americans don't end up paying $10 for a gallon of gas this summer).

The VP, as most people know, has a reputation for secrecy and inaccessibility. (For more, check out the award-winning series, "Angler," from The Washington Post.)

This trip did little to dispel that notion.

Cheney arrived on Saturday night and met Israeli PM Ehud Olmert for dinner. Before getting their nosh on, the two were slated to hold an evening news conference at Olmert's Jerusalem residence.

Security in Israel -- from the airport to the Israeli parliament -- is exceptionally tight, and getting into Olmert's official residence was especially intrusive.

First came the normal procedure of being pulled out of the line and questioned: How long have you lived here? Where do you live? Do you live alone? Do you have family here? Do you speak any Hebrew? Why do you travel to Jordan and Egypt? Have you been to Syria and Lebanon? Do you have friends in those countries? Etc. etc. etc...

This process seemed to drag on especially long and a photographer who has lived here nearly a quarter century, has two kids and is married to an Israeli, stormed off after being held at the entrance for more than an hour.

Once you make it past the first check, (if you make it through the first check) there's the routine metal detector and x-ray machine, followed by the side trip behind the curtains for a body search.

Only, this time, I was asked to drop my pants.

"Really?" I asked the security officer, who seemed slightly embarrassed by it all, though, since he does it all the time, I suspect he wasn't really...

The security guard said he needed to check the zipper of my jeans, though security also made other international reporters in normal pants strip before getting into the press conference.

Strippin' for Cheney might have been worth it - had we been given the chance to ask a question or two of the vice president.

Instead, at the last minute, apparently, Cheney decided not to take questions. So he and Olmert made oblique statements about peace and security, shook hands for the cameras and went off into the house for dinner.

I felt jilted. Spurned. Rejected.

Here we were, the international press corps, wanting to know if the US VP had asked Saudi to help with oil prices or if the Bush administration was supporting Egyptian mediation efforts with Hamas.

We had stripped for our vice president, and what did we get in return?

A grip-and-grin. Some statements about America's enduring commitment to Israel and the "darkening shadows" coming from Gaza, Lebanon, Syria and Iran.

And that was it.

Fine. Lesson learned.

That's the last time I drop my pants for the vice president...

Comments

[Edie]

[Gosh - you don't know how many really immature, graphic jokes I'm not making right now; I'm really trying to be adult about this.]

Did you go home and take a nice, long, hot shower to get clean again?

I just thought link below apropos with Sens. McCain, Lieberman, Graham and now VP Cheney in Israel lately:

With Friends Like These

Gideon Levy, Ha'aretz

http://www.haaretz.com:80/hasen/spages/967055.html

[ck]

Aw man. I read the title, cued the porno music - chik a pow, chik a pow wow - and waited for something I imagined involved a hot female security officer with a stern disposition - chik a pow wow - but supple flesh... and I get this?

Feh. This is like... the opposite of sexy.

[zzzz]

"...felt jilted. Spurned. Rejected. Here we were, the international press corps,..."

I'm on your side- I think- but Perhaps if you didn't routinely report with such obvious bias in your "reporting", you wouldn't be spyed with such suspicion.

[Dion]

Sadly, covering Dick Cheney is not the stuff of porn flicks...

[Edie]

I disagree Dion.

They do have something in common - they both can leave you feeling dirty.